Happy 2nd Birthday!!!

McKenna

2lb. 10oz. at birth

McKenna is definitely our little princess. She is a girly girl, loves to wear cute clothes and have everyone tell her how pretty she looks. She already has quite the attitude which Daddy says she gets from her mom :). McKenna loves playing with babies and stuffed animals, reading books and getting into trouble with her brother. She can say anything now and talks in sentences, we are amazed at the things that come out of her mouth. She loves singing and can almost sing the whole alphabet and can count to 10 with help. She is definitely a mommy's girl but has Daddy wrapped around her finger.
Such an amazing little person, we are so lucky to have you. Happy Birthday little girl!

Parker

1lb. 14oz. at birth

Our handsome little man, Parker is something else. He is full of energy and hasn't stopped moving since the day he was born. He has a personality that keeps everyone smiling and can find trouble faster than any two year old I have ever seen. He is a little cuddler and loves his brother and sisters. Parker is turning into a great little talker too. He repeats everything we say and just started putting words together... I can only imagine the things that are going to come out of this one's mouth! He LOVES airplanes and anything that goes. Parker is Daddy's little shadow and sticks to him like glue but loves a cuddle with Mom too. He has beaten every odd since birth and we are in awe of the little person he is turning into.

You are an amazing little man, Happy Birthday Parker, we love you!

Hadley

2lb. 5oz. at birth

I wish I had all kinds of first to write about here and could tell everyone about your personality and the toddler that you have turned into. I know you are watching over all of us and we will carry you with us forever. We love and miss you every minute. Happy Birthday baby girl.

Big kid chairs

We got our new booster chairs and the food is still flying, of course, but we are much less dangerous this way! Thanks for all of the chair suggestions, we ended up with the Summer Infant Secure Comfort Foam Booster. They seem to be more comfortable than the plastic boosters, are easy to clean and best of all the kids haven't figured out how to get themselves unbuckled yet!

Not the highchairs!

The video in my last post shows my two little children happily sitting in their highchairs. They may have been burping and laughing at themselves but at least they were sitting. Now they have figured out how to unbuckle themselves and stand up while eating which leads to:

1. A toddler who is very happy with him or herself
2. Another toddler attempting to do the same thing
3. The food on that toddler's plate flying through the air
4. The food on the person's tray next to said toddler flying through the air.
5. No one eating anything

Here is a picture of the one who started it all. I would have gotten a picture of both of them doing it but by then it was too dangerous for me to stand back and watch while taking pictures :) And yes, those are Doritos on their trays, McKenna loves them and I was trying anything to get her to sit back down before the whole situation got ugly (this tactic obviously did not work).

So now I am debating what to do next, small picnic table or booster chairs? Anyone have a booster chair they like best or other ideas for getting them to actually sit and eat at the same time???

Giggles

So the new form of entertainment in our house is fake burping. Apparently when your sister pretends to burp while you are eating it is just hilarious. So if my kids grow up with terrible table manners it is because I never stopped the fake burping because the giggles that it brought were just too cute...

She scores!

I've never seen a victory dance quite like the one I saw last night. 

Ashlyn scored her first soccer goal and was beyond excited.  As soon as the ball went in she ran, jumping up and down, arms circling, all the way down the field.  I think she practically knocked some of her teammates over as they gave her high fives. 

My dad and I watched her from the sidelines and when I looked back at him he was as choked up as I was.  This was one of the moments on that mental list you keep as the parent of a special needs child... the list of things that you aren't sure you will ever see. 

I remember spending weeks in physical therapy helping her learn to climb a set of stairs and celebrating when she was finally able to get both feet off the floor when she jumped and now I am watching her score goals in a soccer game. 

She has definitely shown us all that the sky is the limit.

Last night one of the moms turned to me and said, "Wow, she deserved that, she spent weeks trying for the goal" and I just smiled because I know it hasn't been weeks, she's been trying for years.

Labor day a little late

I'm embarrassed to say I'm just now getting around to posting about Labor Day. We had a great afternoon with Aunt Casey and the girls and Nana and Papa. Thanks to Nana, who watched Sawyer and his cousin Nina, I was able to go on my second (and last) boat ride of the season.

Grabbing a kiss or two before we go

The kids sitting still for a brief moment

Enjoying our boat ride thanks to Daddy

Nina and Sawyer playing quietly, just like they did when their mommies were gone, right Nana (whose ears are still ringing)??

My handsome man

No caption necessary :)

Grief

I don't post a lot about losing Hadley and sometimes I wonder if because I don't people think that I am "okay" now. It has been almost two years and the grief is still overwhelming. I have yet to find peace with all that happened and as each day passes and my survivors continue to grow into amazing little people I am reminded of all that we have lost by not getting to experience each day with our daughter. But I know too that I have been given the gift of truly understanding how precious life is and will never take a moment with my children for granted.

Another bereaved mom shared this with me and I think it expresses how I feel perfectly...

To those of you who look away when I grow teary eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those of you who change the subject when I speak my child's name, change your way of thinking. It may just change your whole life.

To those of you who roll your eyes and say we barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, their first day of school, their weddings, and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another, even if we had twenty more they would never be the child we lost, and we will always miss them.

To those who say get on with my life, I have. It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of.

Do not judge a bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.

She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart throbs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she is NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

We love crib tents!

Right around the time that Sawyer was born McKenna decided she wasn't interested in sleeping in her crib anymore. So she didn't start climbing out, she started flinging herself out. She was falling and hurting herself everytime so ultimately, everytime we heard her cry to get out we had to get her so that she wouldn't fall and hurt herself again. I'm sure you know where this is going... Ms. McKenna learned that we would come get her if she cried, started doing it every night, we would get her and try everything possible to get her back to sleep which usually resulted in Mark driving her around in the car until she couldn't stay awake any longer, fun, fun, fun! I had heard about crib tents from a few other moms so we ordered one as our last hope for getting back to some kind of normal bedtime routine and it worked. I was afraid McKenna would be scared of it or not want to get into bed but as you can see below it has become the latest and greatest toy in our house. Who knew being confined to your crib could be so much fun??

Baby Brain

So I was trying to thinking of a creative name for this post or a cute story to share and I've got nothing. I thought I was starting to recover from "Baby Brain" because lately I can at least remember my name and don't long for a nap all day but apparently it is still in full swing. So here's an update on the kids and some cute pics, sorry I'm not more entertaining :)

Parker and McKenna are both turning into great little talkers. McKenna is putting three and four words together and starting to sing songs in the sweetest little voice and Parker, ever the performer, will say anything you ask him too. They are also signing like crazy, the "Baby Signing Time" videos have been the best thing we ever purchased! They are into everything, every time I think the house is completely baby-proofed they find one more thing. And they fight... face-grabbing, hair pulling, no sharing fights. I thought they would just be sweet and loving to each other forever! They are still sweet and loving but just have there moments, lots of them.

Sawyer is almost 3 month old already and is the cutest little guy. All of the kids love him to pieces, I don't think he is ever alone for a second. Someone is always trying to touch him, kiss him, feed him Cheerios or sit on his lap :). He looks so much like his siblings. I can't wait to watch him grow up but am in no hurry, I LOVE babies and since this is our last I'm cherishing every moment.

Ashlyn starts 8th grade in less than two weeks. I truly can't believe she is so old. She has been a great helper around the house this month and I will miss the extra set of hands when she goes back to school. She also started soccer on Tuesday and loves it. Special Olympics puts on an amazing soccer program and they make all of the practices and games such a great experience for the players. I have always loved the organization but now that Ashlyn is participating see first hand what amazing work they do. So if you are ever looking for a place to donate time or money Special Olympics would be my pick!!

Silly smile from McKenna

Handsome man

The many faces of McKenna, look at her in each of these pics...

He's moving so fast I have no idea what's in his hands

Uncle Keith and the kids (this one is for you, my little blog follower, Gracie)

Daddy and his little ones

And an attitude shot before we go

A few pics

Here are a few recent pics of the kids. They are all getting so big and keeping us very busy thus the very short post...

My little Sawyer

Spaghetti! Notice my little bruiser, he fell on the stairs and ended up in Urgent Care... boys!

Ms. Princess loving the camera

Signing and Dancing

I have been terrible at keeping up the blog lately and the cute videos are stacking up. Here are two of Parker. He is such a little sweetie and NEVER stops moving. The first one is of him showing off his signs and the second is his dance moves (I think he gets those from Daddy). Oh and please ignore the messy house in the background... keeping up with all of these kids and cleaning is not happening!

Happy Birthday Ashlyn!

My little Ashlyn is 14 today, I can hardly believe that she is so old. The years have gone by so fast and I am more amazed by her each and every day. Love you Ashlyn!!!

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Everyone's asleep!

All the babies are napping at the same time so I am blogging as fast as I can before someone wakes up! Sawyer is a month old already and everybody is doing great with him. He seems to have adjusted to our crazy, noisy house pretty well. The poor little guy has terrible reflux so has trouble sleeping but other than that is a content, happy baby. Parker and McKenna continue to be fascinated by him and Ashlyn is a great big sister. Here are a few pictures of the last few weeks. None of Ashlyn as usual... she continues to run from the camera!

Little cutie

Parker with his "I'm not doing anything" look

Their version of "helping"... we have since started putting Sawyer in his seat inside the crib for his own protection :)

Kisses from everyone, I love this picture!

Sawyer is home!

Well, Sawyer has been home since last Friday but this is my first chance to update the blog. Somehow things have gotten much busier around here and if it is between sleep and the blog I usually pick sleep! He is a great baby and the kids are all adjusting to him really well. Here are a few pics of his homecoming...

The kids and Mark taking me home

"Get me out of here Daddy."

So handsome

Heading out of Special Care

In the car with Mom

Parker checking out his new brother and McKenna pretending this isn't happening :)

Welcome Baby Boy!

I am way behind in posting but wanted to announce the birth of our new little boy, Sawyer Mark. Sawyer was born June 9 weighing 5lbs. 2oz. He is still in the Special Care Nursery but doing very well. We hope to have him home very soon. I had quite a few complications after delivery, thus the late post. The doctors and nurses at Henry Ford West Bloomfield were truly amazing, we can't thank them enough for all they did for our family. My recovery is going very slowly from all of the complications so I am anxious to get back on my feet and to be able to keep up with my kids again. I'm sure Mark is just as anxious as I am, he has been on double duty for a long, long time now.
Thanks to everyone for all of your love and support!

Just a few hours old

8 days old and no more iv or tubes!

34 weeks and in the hospital

So I am 34 weeks today but am now posting from my hospital bed. Yesterday my contractions really picked up so I was admitted to Labor and Delivery. They administered a dose of steroids for the baby's lungs and have been trying to hold off my labor long enough to get the second dose in today. So far things are going okay, I'm contracting about every 5 minutes now and am 1 cm dialated but the doctor said the baby's head is at zero station so things could change at any time.

The kids are all doing pretty well. The babies have no idea what is going on but seem to be adjusting to the different faces coming in and out of the house. Ashlyn is hanging in there but I know this brings back lots of memories for her of the last time I was in the hospital and it just breaks my heart. She is a toughy though and I know she will keep being strong and we will have a fun summer vacation to enjoy together very soon. Many thanks to Uncle Brett, Aunt Marianne and Nana and Papa for taking shifts the last two days to get us through all of this craziness!

Please keep our family in your thoughts. 34 weeks is a great place to be but we would still like to go much longer. Unfortunately, losing a child has taken away that "everything will be fine" feeling that should be getting me through right now. Being back in the hospital brings back many memories of our last delivery and has just made me miss our little girl so much more. I will be so happy when the day comes that this new little baby is safe and sound in our arms.

Thanks to everyone for all of your support,
Jessica

The Gigglers

The kids playing with a barely inflated balloon... there is nothing like giggling babies!!!

Oh and I'm 33 weeks today too, 3 more weeks of bedrest and then we will just wait for a big, healthy baby!

Track star

I am so excited to actually have pictures of Ashlyn to post! She runs every time we get the camera out so I guess it is fitting that the only pictures we have of her are on the track. I am so proud of her, she just finished 7th grade track where she competed in shot put and the 70 and 100 meter. The girl will try anything and when she does she commits to it 100%. I am always amazed at all she is able to accomplish and the amazing person she has grown to become. Years ago, when she was first diagnosed with autism I never thought she would be going to a typical school, competing in sports AND on the honor roll every semester. If there is one thing I could say to a parent of a child newly diagnosed with autism it is that your child can reach beyond what you have been told they will become. There is always HOPE.

32 weeks and counting

Somehow we have made it to 32 weeks. When I was in the hospital almost 5 weeks ago, I really did not think we would get much further and also couldn't imagine how we would all survive bedrest if we did. Everyone has adjusted to our temporary craziness over here and we seem to be getting through the days. It is so nice to know that all of this rest is paying off and that we may actually get to have a take home baby this time! Many thanks to everyone who has been helping us get through each day. I am determined to get to at least 34 weeks and if we get there then I will stand on my head to get to 36... whatever it takes to avoid the NICU!

Parker doing his nightly check of my tummy

Snuggling before bed... my favorite time of the day

Parker and Daddy's version of snuggling

This is totally off the subject of this post but I couldn't resist. Remember the cute kitchen we bought the kids? This is what it looks like after a few weeks in our house!

Sooo cute

McKenna is at the age where she is just so cute I could eat her up. She has turned into a great little talker. In the fall she tested with a mild speech delay and I remember looking ahead to the developmental chart and reading that she should be able to say 20 words at 18 months. I thought there was no way that would happen. She has definitely proved me wrong. Now she is repeating everything and we have quickly learned to watch what we say if she is nearby! Did I mention she is sweet as can be? And yes, I am planning to save this blog entry and read it over when we are going through her wonderful teenage years. I just finished a long power struggle with my wonderful teenager and am thinking I better start searching for some of those old movies of her at her sweetest to remind me that there was a time when nice things came out of her mouth too!