Where is that stupid light??

Ugh, I never should have posted about seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.
Either someone shut off the light or this is a very long tunnel.

While McKenna's health has improved and she has gained some balance back she is limping horribly AGAIN.  After getting out of the hospital McKenna was off balance, uncoordinated and floppy with some tic-like movements but the limp that started all of this was gone.  Well, she woke up Saturday morning with the limp in full swing.  I think she is starting to hate walking.  She walks a little, tries something different, crawling or scooting or a funny little gallup... anything to keep her legs moving and get her where she wants to go.  She does not complain or call any attention to whatever in the world is going on with her legs though.  This is all just SO strange and it is driving me crazy to not have an answer.

In the meantime it is still life as usual in our house.

Sawyer has started crawling and, more amazingly, sleeping.  I can't remember the last time I actually slept through a full night.  How I missed sleep.

Ashlyn competed in her first Special Olympics swimming meet and won two second place medals and a third place medal.  We are so proud of her!  Unfortunately I was in the hospital with McKenna so could not watch her compete.  Thank goodness for grandparents and video cameras!

Parker is his same wild self.  He had a blast being spoiled by a variety of different people who kept him busy over the past two weeks.  Every day he goes through the list of names of people he hopes are coming to visit... Nana, Papa, Aunt Nancy, Aunt Marynan, Mamanda and Uncle Bet.  They all took a turn at chasing him while McKenna was in the hospital and we appreciate it so much.

Many thanks again for all of the love and support from everyone!

(I wanted to add some pictures to this post but they won't upload, hopefully I can add them later.)

Light at the End of the Tunnel?

I'm almost afraid to say it but I think I can finally see the light at the end of the tunnel.  McKenna has been steadily improving over the last few days and today is the first day that I feel like I can actually watch her play instead of hovering over her in fear of her falling at any moment.

Yesterday she finished a 48 hour brain wave study.  I have never been so relieved to have her wake up early, I could not wait to get all of the electrodes off of her head and disconnect her from her monitor.  Today we had a very long visit with the pediatrician while she went over all of the testing that has been done in and out of the hospital.  We will be starting physical therapy and are also going to see a rheumatologist while waiting for the results of her brain study.  The pediatrician also called me after we left her office with a possible lead on what McKenna may have.  It is called Sydenham's Chorea and the characteristics of the disorder sound very similar to what she is experiencing.

I am doing better with things now that we have a plan.  We were discharged from the hospital with no diagnosis or plan for rehabilitation so it has been a tough week.  The nurse at our doctor's office actually offered to buy me a bottle of wine after I cracked when she asked me how things were going.  Being back in the hospital with her after all she went through as an infant was so difficult.  As much as we would like a diagnosis, watching her go through all of these tests is heartbreaking.  I feel terrible that she is going through all of this and hate watching McKenna struggle.  We just hope that she will be able to return to the same little wild girl we had a few weeks ago and she definitely seems like she is on her way.

Many, many thanks to everyone for your kind words and to all of our friends and family who have helped so much over the past few weeks.  We could not get through this without you!

Update

McKenna is back home now.  She was admitted to the hospital last Friday after waking with a high fever.  Doctors found a mild case of pneumonia and were very concerned about the unexplained limping and loss of muscle strenth.  Our little trooper had a rough weekend in the hospital and went through many, many tests.  They ultimately discharged her once her fever was gone and her vitals were stable but we still have no answers as to why she is limping and has such decreased strength.  We spent the day today at the neurologist's office doing more tests and she is now home connected to all kinds of wires for a 48 hour brain wave study monitoring for seizures.  My poor little girl has been through so much and we are just hoping there is an answer soon.

We appreciate everyone's thoughts, messages of encouragement and support.  It is so nice to have McKenna home.  I would love nothing more than to be blogging about the crazy antics my toddlers got into today.  Hopefully I will be doing that again soon.

Update on McKenna

This is Jessica's friend, Rebecca. Jessica asked me to write here to inform you all that McKenna was admitted to the hospital on Friday. She has pneumonia and still decreasing muscle control and coordination. The doctors are doing a battery of tests and they've yet to come to a conclusion.

Mark and Jessica appreciate of your thoughts and prayers. They have been with McKenna and have limited computer access, but will try to keep everyone updated when they have new information.

Please keep the prayers coming for the Watson's!

Our Little Mystery

Our little McKenna is a walking, well limping, mystery right now.  McKenna was a 28 weeker and suffered a grade III hemorrhage on both sides of her brain shortly after birth so we have always been on the lookout for development problems but up until this point she has done great.

A little over a week ago McKenna woke up with a very noticeable limp.  She did not act like she was in pain and kept up with her brother as usual while limping along.  She was still jumping, climbing, running, the usual two year-old routine.  Over the course of the week she has continued limping but seems to be becoming less coordinated.  She is falling a lot and having trouble with things that are usually easy for her like climbing the stairs.  We have been to the pediatrician, an orthopedic specialist and in to the ER for a CAT scan and blood work with no answers.

Of course this whole limping incident has us analyzing everything else she is doing and we started thinking about a few other behaviors we have seen...

Over the past few months she has been freezing when she gets bumped or jarred, even slightly.  She will stay completely still until we go over to her and snap her out of it.  And she is shaky.  She has always been a little bit shaky and on the uncoordinated side but lately the shakiness has increased, even when she is doing simple tasks.

So with lots of tests under our belt and no answers we are waiting until our next appointment with a neurologist and hoping that she wakes up tomorrow walking like her normal, little butt-wiggling self.

The Youngest

Being the youngest of the bunch has a few advantages:

1. You get to try table food at a very early age.  Like when your mom is driving the car and she hears your big brother say "Don't eat it all Sawyer, that is Kenna's" and she has to pull over the car to find out what you are eating, if you are choking and who had a good enough arm to throw it to you from their car seat.

2.  You can control an airplane from your car seat.  Like when your big brother puts the remote to his airplane behind the cushion in your car seat which causes you to have to sit on this big, uncomfortable plastic remote for who knows how long but does keep everyone looking for the remote and wondering why the airplane is moving and also gives you a chance to get him back and wear out the batteries.

3.  You never have to worry about being in the spotlight or doing any amazing tricks because even if you do, your mom can not keep the video camera on you long enough to capture it.

My Shoes

An Ugly Pair of Shoes
I am wearing a pair of shoes.
They are ugly shoes.

Uncomfortable Shoes.

I hate my shoes.

Each day I wear them, and each day I wish I had another pair.

Some days my shoes hurt so bad that I do not think I can take another step.

Yet, I continue to wear them.

I get funny looks wearing these shoes.

They are looks of sympathy.

I can tell in others eyes that they are glad they are my shoes and not theirs.

They never talk about my shoes.

To learn how awful my shoes are might make them uncomfortable.

To truly understand these shoes you must walk in them.

But, once you put them on, you can never take them off.

I now realize that I am not the only one who wears these shoes.

There are many pairs in the world.

Some women are like me and ache daily as they try and walk in them.

Some have learned how to walk in them so they don't hurt quite as much.

Some have work in the shoes so long that days will go by

before they think of how much they hurt.

No woman deserves to wear these shoes.
Yet, because of the shoes I am a stronger women.

These shoes have given me the strength to face anything.

They have made me who I am.

I will forever walk in the shoes of a woman who has lost a child.

- Author Unknown

9 months

My little Sawyer is 9 months old today.

He is trying to crawl and eating fruits and veggies and chewing on everything his chubby little hands can reach.  He is every bit the baby of the family.
There are a moments each day where I am struck by the fact that he is my last.  That once he sits, crawls, walks there won't be another coming behind him.
I just love him to pieces and am soaking up every second of his babyhood.

Love you my rainbow baby!!

The Best of Friends

A few things...

Boy I went from a post a day to nothing, huh?

Luckily my month of pictures ended Sunday because that is when my mommy marathon of no one napping at the same time began again.  It is Thursday afternoon and this is the first time I have had a chance to sit at the computer for more than a minute all week.

Before I distract anyone with pictures I need sleep help.  My little Sawyer is totally against sleeping.  For the most part I have created my own problem because it is SO hard to get him to fall asleep on his own when little people are climbing my leg as I am trying to put him quietly in his room and I cannot let him cry it out.  For some reason the kids can sleep through each other wailing 5 feet from their crib but cannot sleep through Sawyer crying down the hall.  So a crying Sawyer makes for no napping or night-waking two year-olds and MUCH less sleep for us.

Anyway, with that long explanation, I need a good sleep program or book that does not involve crying it out.  I followed "Healthy Sleep, Happy Child" (or whatever that is called) to the letter with the bigger kids and they are great sleepers.  I'm afraid I am creating a monster here.  A cute, sweet little monster but definitely one who is not interested in sleep.

Since we are on the subject of things I need I'm looking for recommendations on some kind of climbing/jumping/sliding, safe for two-year-olds, contraption that we can keep in the house.  Oh and an organic, free of all the junk, kids soap/shampoo that smells good.  So far everything we have used has no scent and I miss that baby shampoo smell (although I'm sure that is where all the chemicals come in).

I think that's it, on to the pics...

I don't know why, I just love this picture. They were sharing water with two straws which was a big hit, and shortly thereafter a huge disaster...

Look at my perfect little children smiling while cleaning the flood they had just created.