A New Dating Service?

I'm thinking of starting a dating service.

A playdating service...

somewhere you can put in where life has taken you, your parenting style, what Mommy traits drive you insane and what put you at ease.

a place to cut all the crap and make finding a mom who you get along with, and has nice kids to boot, a much easier process.

Since having kids I always had this vision of perfect playdates, coffee with moms while our children play peacefully, swapping recipes and clothes our kids have outgrown... the quintessential life of a stay at home mom.

Autism and preemies and loss and then getting pregnant again before my preemies could even venture out in public threw a bit of a wrench in my plan and it seems I have just joined the land of the living this past year.

And finding a mommy AND kid match is hard.  The mom can be great and then low and behold my son's on his back after a cheap shot from her never disciplined, candy-eating-in-the-morning, terror of a boy.

Or the kids can be off to a good start, clicking in whatever way three year-olds can manage and then the mom says something genius, and telling.  Telling me that our conversations have no future.

And my playdate visions deflate.

But I am learning.  I am learning that I am not going to find the mirror image of my family out there but if I give it time our lives will gravitate to each other.  I will bump into another mom on the playground who is sweating as I am because she also has more little ones than arms and not one of them is coordinated enough for the tall slide.

Or I will find the perfect friend in someone who is balancing triplets and special needs and coping with her own feelings of loss of a different kind, who doesn't flinch when I talk about all of my children and we will click and could close just about any restaurant, spilling tales of our crazy lives and laughing about things that aren't funny when they're happening.

And that is the perfect in the imperfect.

That there is no match out there, whether you have 2 kids, a dog and not a struggle to be had or whether you have a bit of an unconventional brood and are forced to search for moms who have walked your path, there is no magic service to help you find the matching mom and kids of your dreams.  You have to find them, or they will find you.

My friends from around the country, each with surviving triplets.

And when you do?  You will be rewarded.  With conversations long enough to drive a wait staff insane or kill a phone battery, with recipes they found (without the dairy of course), with a chapter long comment on your blog to tell you they get it or a few short sentences to say they don't but they are here anyway.

Since all that has happened from the time I became a mom and all that has not, I have often felt like I am on another planet.

In fact I think I might be.

But having visitors makes my planet a pretty comfortable place to live.

Edited to add: If you happen to have had a child when you were a bit too young who was then diagnosed with autism, got married eight years after that only to struggle with infertility, get pregnant with triplets, lose a child and then get pregnant again without even trying EMAIL ME, we are destined for the perfect playdate :)

Dear Daddy

Well Daddy, if I could talk I would have told Mommy that going to our little Mommy and Me class this morning was probably not a good idea.

She is that way she gets when only she can say she is crabby because if you say it, WATCH OUT and we had already used up lots of her patience before she even pulled out of the driveway and you know how Mommy thinks our teacher is a has-been preschool teacher who cannot get a job anywhere because she is a little on the obnoxious side and she never stops talking and asking questions that are none of her business?  Well I knew that this would not be a good day for Mommy to be in the same room as Mrs. Nevershutsup but she packed us up and took us anyway.

We did pretty good at school.  We made hand print turkeys and all the sudden I said a word.  It was  "YAY" and I was so happy with that word that I said it and said it and said it while I emptied every bin in the room.   McKenna sat a little close to kids that were not Parker today and Parker, he had ants in his pants as usual and Mommy had to hold him by the foot to keep a little bit of him at circle time but other than that no problems.  (Yay!)

But Mrs. Nevershutsup?  She was over the top today.  She was always talking in one of Mommy's ears while Mommy was trying to listen to us with the other.  She pried too much about Sissy and about your work and told Mommy stories that she could have lived her whole life just fine without hearing.  I knew we were in trouble once Mommy stopped talking to anyone over three feet tall and her eye started to twitch a little.

When it was time to leave I let Mommy put my coat on real fast so we could get out of there.  But Daddy, Mrs. Nevershutsup did not take a hint.  She FOLLOWED Mommy to the car and I knew we were headed for trouble.  She said she was helping but she just kept asking Mommy more none-of-her-business questions and I could hear Mommy thinking to herself that she should be nice and thankful that this woman was trying to help but Mommy decided she would be thankful for Parker and our automatic doors because he will push any button in front of him.  So Mommy got us in the car and put Parker by all those buttons and he pushed away and left Mrs. Nevershutsup out there in the parking lot asking us how much our van costs and why Mommy doesn't learn to sew so she can make our Christmas clothes.

Mommy knew she should open that door back up but she just could not do it.  She got us in our seats and climbed into hers and did her fakey-nice smile and waved to Mrs. Nevershutsup whose mouth was still moving outside that window.

One more place we can't go back to Daddy... but it was all Mommy this time.

Good thing you have a few days off this week, I'm sticking with you til Mommy's patience comes back.

Yay!, (had to get it in there one more time)

Sawyer

Parker being a turkey

McKenna with her turkeys (no picture of me, I hit the crib before Mommy lost the last of her mind)

Dear Daddy

I remember the moment my not-yet husband told me that his future wife would not be able to stay home with the kids.

He was a teacher at the time and financially it just would not work.

For as long as I could remember I had wanted to go to college and then work in special education but only until I had babies.  Then my grand plan was to stay home just like my mom did (thanks Mom!).

I was blissfully ignorant and completely in love so I shrugged off his comment and told myself all would work out someday.

And it did.

The minute our children were born he changed his mind and I got my way.

So now, although my shifts do not actually ever end and there are times I wonder if this is what I signed up for, I would not change a thing.

Besides working hard to climb the public education ladder and putting in very long days for our happiness, I realize that my husband is missing out on a lot.  There are a few aspects of Mommyhood that I would be perfectly happy to miss out on too but there are also a million others that are priceless.   I decided to start capturing the good and the bad once a week or so in a letter to Daddy.

Here is our first entry:


Today we had our first playdate at our new friends' house.

I don't think they will be calling again any time soon.

Parker was so nice to the boys but he just could not stop opening all of their drawers and then he put the big kid's toy in their fireplace and you know how sometimes he lets his chewed food fall right out of his mouth when he is full?  He did that.

Next, Mommy thought McKenna had eaten her lunch really fast but she had not.  She had actually stuffed that big peanut butter sandwich into a little tiny pretend bottle of nail polish.  It was the little girl's favorite.  Mommy could not get it out.  It is soaking in the other Mommy's sink.

I really was not that good either, Daddy.  I was sweet and smiley as always but the stairs just kept calling my name.  The other Mommy had to get out the gates.  They don't use them anymore.  She put them up and all of our new friends cried and cried.

We almost got out of there without anymore trouble but then McKenna fell.  She cried and cried and Mommy held her.  Lucky Mommy was holding her because she caught all the pee on her shirt and pants so that it did not get our new friends' couch wet, only their floor.  So now Mommy was all wet and so was McKenna and you know Kenna, she wanted new pants right NOW.  The other Mommy tried to give her some pants but they were blue.  Mommy put us in the car while McKenna yelled "don't want the blue pants" over and over on the porch for all the neighbors to hear.

It was fun but we are all glad it is over, especially Mommy.
She is drinking while I type.


Love,
Sawyer

Finally!

He is a man of few words.

So few that speech therapy may be in his not too distant future.

I have been waiting to hear one word for

1 year

4 months

and 25 days

but I'm not counting

or repeating it to him 10,000 times a day.

"MOMMA" rolled right out of my sweet little 8 toothed rainbow baby's mouth today and reminded me that there is not a better job title in the world.

We're baack

Mark is back to work.
The kids are back to my schedule.
And I am back to blogging.

I hope I didn't lose too many readers due to my slacking off during the month of July.

Since I know Mark is missing the kids like crazy and I have lots of family going through picture withdrawals I though I would post our day in pictures today.

Breakfast time

As soon as I made a move for the camera Sawyer decided he was feeding himself and yes, McKenna is wearing a pajama shirt AND a dress on backwards with her head and arm both through the same hole.  Under that she is wearing a ruffly skirt, pajama shorts and a pair of skorts.  I had to adjust the straps in her booster chair to fit it all in.

Parker showing off his latest boo boo, a centimeter long scratch that he is obsessed with 

Playtime

Parker and McKenna taking "Penny" and "Hippy" to school via the fish.

And that's it, 9 a.m. and my dream of a day in pictures is over.

This is as far as I got before the novelty of being home with just Mommy again wore off and I remembered just how busy I am when Mark is at work.  

Soon after this shot Parker broke into the corner cupboard for McKenna who promptly served them both  sprinkles with a dash of paprika and Sawyer decided his only method of transportation today would be walking... which is really great, just really dangerous since the top half of his body moves much faster than the bottom half and there are two crazy toddlers circling him every 30 seconds making his path an ever-changing obstacle course.

I really do LOVE being home with the kids though and as Mark had to return to work I reminded myself for the millionth time how lucky I am to be able to stay home with them each and every day.  

In my head

I have realized that I talk to myself.
Not out loud, just in my head.
All the time.

Mark has been off for a few weeks and I have had zero inspiration for blog posts.  Nothing has come to mind that has made me want to sit down and blog away and then today, Mark left for a few hours, I had all of the kids, and within 5 minutes my mind was spinning with blog-worthy ideas.

Apparently, in the absence of adult conversation, I am able to do all kinds of mindless child related activities while thinking of a million other things.  And a few of the million things turn into blog posts.

Is this normal?  I hope so.  I'm assuming that it is.  There is a limit to the depth of conversation that you can have with a two year old, a one year old and even a teenager so you are bound to talk to yourself, right?

Now that I write this though I am starting to feel guilty that I am not 100% focused on whatever the activity of the moment is.  I'm not just sitting back in my own world though, I'm always playing something.  I'm usually the cashier or the doctor or the Barb.ie dresser or the one who pulls them off the top of the kitchen table once things get out of hand, I just happen to be daydreaming a little bit while it is all going on.

Mark will be off for a few more weeks so I will probably either have a few uninspiring posts (heavy on pictures, light on words) or just not even attempt creativity until the month in over and I'm back in my old little stay-at-home-mommy world.  If you don't tune back in until August I completely understand!

A few more years home with the kids and I will have written a book all in my head.

Oh and I would appreciate it if someone could comment with a "this is all normal, you are not neglecting your children" comment very soon, thanks :)

Me, very much in the moment with my little ones because that hose could turn on me at any
second.

Happy Day

I'm not sure what landed up in Happyland today but we seem to be there.  The kids have been sharing, playing together and just generally sweet all day long.  

I am surprisingly not burned out for a Friday.  

They ate breakfast and lunch without protest and no one sat on top of the table or told me they were finished by dumping their bowls onto the floor.

I even had a chance to hang back and watch them play a bit today and think about how amazingly cute they are and how lucky I am to be their mommy (I think this every day but not usually in this peaceful of circumstances).  

While they were playing Take Sawyer's Toys Away (not the nicest game but everyone was entertained by it, even Sawyer) McKenna asked me to get the camera and take their picture.

Sawyer was totally happy to see the camera as always

and the other two turned into goofballs shortly after the first picture.

We finished off our morning of bliss climbing through their tunnels where they crawled to each end and waited for little Sawyer to make his way to them.

When he would finally reach them they patted him and said:
"Yay, Sawyer, you did it, Mommy is so proud of you."
I'm sure they meant that they were proud but you get the point.

Oh and when I said it was time to go up for a nap, Parker replied:
"I'm coming Sweetie"


I am not kidding myself, once nap time is over they will more than likely be whining at my feet, fighting over a toy we have ten of and launching their dinner across the room but for now I am contently blogging and not even worried about what crazy hour my husband will get home from work at because I still have patience left over from the morning.

Now if my teenager comes home happy too I'm playing the lotto.