A Hugging Confession

I am not a hugger.

I believe this is one reason why I am somewhat addicted to blogging and can easily pour my heart out with every tippity-tap of a key.

I can handle a virtual hug.

I can vent about the ugliness of grief or the insanity of day-to-day life and take in each and every comment I receive of support, or of I've been there, or geez am I glad I'm not there, and feel completely comfortable accepting as many comment hugs as are dished out from the caring people who read my words.

But a real hug?  I believe, to quote my mother, I am like "hugging a piece of plywood."  Makes you feel all warm and fuzzy doesn't it??

Let me digress here to stop you from feeling sorry for my touch-deprived children and husband.  I hug them, I hug them all constantly and accept their hugs with open arms.  I can do this with ease.  Go ahead and psychoanalyze.  If you figure out why please let me know (private email is preferred to a public comment explaining my warped psychological state to the blogosphere).

I believe I cannot hug because I have wound myself a bit too tight.  I am clutching pieces finely crafted into staying together.  One of those pieces fears that if I fall into a hug, the rest of them may come tumbling down and we just can't have that happen.  There is too much to do, plus I have a tendency towards the "ugly cry."

So yesterday we went to our first day of three year-old storytime and I believe the mix of a class brimming with little girls, explaining they are not twins too many times and a touch of pms, caused me to be acutely aware of that ever-present hole.  Sitting there, singing the pizza song, I pictured being the triplet mom I should be and my world stopped.   My boys, being the Mommy-loving little people that every mom with a son told me they would be, instinctively came to my rescue.  Sawyer into my lap, chubby baby arms circling my neck, and Parker balancing on my knee, skinny elbows folding over my shoulder, and those little boy hugs?

They sent my pieces crumbling.

Without a single word, swimming in a sea of three year-olds shouting out their favorite pizza topping, my boys told me what all those well-meaning huggers have been trying to say for years.

You are safe.  You are surrounded by love.  Let the pieces fall.

And I did.

A Sunday drive

Uncles

Uncle Brett is leaving us to head to Austin for the summer for a great work opportunity.  He came over for the evening tonight to remind us what a great uncle he is and how much we are going to miss him.  The kids had a BLAST and fell asleep the minute I put them down after all of the fun they had.  

Now both of my brothers will be out of state :(  

After I put the kids to bed we were talking about a lot of old memories and I was reminded what great brothers I have.  We had a great time as kids and they have both turned into amazing guys and amazing uncles who have supported me through the roller coaster of a life I have had the last few years, actually the last, well we won't say how many years... they have supported me for a long time :).  

Love you both!

We will miss you Uncle Brett!!!

Troublemaking 101

There seems to be a new activity going on in our house lately called "Teach your brother how to take the house apart at his level so you don't have to bend down and do it yourself."  

I keep finding Sawyer trailing along behind Parker and, while following, dragging along something that should be elsewhere in the house.  This week Parker taught him how to take the cover off the bottom of the fridge (and continue carrying it while crawling so it is no where near the kitchen when you are done with it), take a hallway door stopper off and how to quickly unload clothes out of your bottom drawer or any laundry basket that your mom has neatly folded them into.  

So earlier today I was brushing my teeth with my sweet little Sawyer at my feet and he pulls himself to stand at my legs and starts poking my leg with the door stopper he had just removed from the wall in the bathroom, ALL BY HIMSELF.  Apparently he has learned to transfer his knowledge to all areas of the house very quickly.  

What a good little student. 

Of course, he does have a very skilled instructor.  

In fact, I'm sure Parker would take anyone under his wing and teach his perfected craft of troublemaking at no charge.

  

After all, who wouldn't trust their innocent little child to this face.