Everyone

We braved our first weekend away with the little ones and I'm here, not as sleep deprived as I thought I would be, to blog about it.  The kids had a great time and aside from the car ride there, okay, and the car ride home, things went incredibly smooth.  Oh and as an extra little thank you to the people who allowed us to use their cottage Mark spent part of our last day there tightening all of their cabinet fixtures, door knobs, window latches and towel racks.  Of course none of them were loose before we Parker got there.

The weekend was the first time in years that my entire extended family was together in one place.  It was so good to see everyone but bittersweet for me as so much of life is these days.  The last time we attended a family reunion I was happily pregnant with triplets and had found out we were having two girls and a boy.  We announced what we were having to the whole family and were greeted with lots of cheers and I think you should name one after me's.  It was a great time in our lives and returning to the same place reminds me of what different people we are now and how much life has changed.  We have five amazing children but one will never be at the famous family reunion, or go kayaking in the lake with her Daddy and uncles, or climb from bed to bed to bed with her siblings, talking her Mommy's ears off because sleeping in a cabin is just beyond exciting when you are two.

And hardest of all?  I will never hear "my whole family" with out feeling a twinge of pain because Hadley will always be missing and, for me, our family will never be whole.  Words like "everyone" and "all of us" carry so much more significance for me now because I long for the completeness they bring.

When I see the latest version of our huge family picture I will laugh with everyone else at the amazing feat of getting our crazy bunch in one shot but my eyes will find a spot where my little daughter should be standing and then the picture will blur with tears.  I will remind myself though, that she was there because I brought her.  

Her memory was packed carefully for the trip, right inside my heart.

Next to Hadley's tree that Nana and Papa planted at the cottage