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Tuesday, September 7, 2010

This sucks

A while back I came across an amazing website that is trying to break down the stigma attached to miscarriage, neonatal and infant loss.  The loss of a pregnancy or the loss of a baby seem to be topics that people are afraid to discuss.  The women behind this site are helping to put a face to loss and giving moms, many of whom have never talked about their losses to anyone, the chance to share their story.

I have to admit, I was a little bit caught of guard when I saw my face on their site tonight.  Actually I cracked, cried for a good ten minutes, then got myself together so I could blog about the whole thing.

I probably should not be blogging.  Like when they take someone's keys away when they have had too much to drink.  Someone should take my keyboard but no one has so I'm just going to type away and blow off some steam.

I don't want to be the face of loss.  I want to be the face of a crazy mom who is even busier than I already am because I am trying to manage triplets, a teenager and a one year old.  I want 3 girls and 2 boys WHO ARE ALL ALIVE.

I don't have any touching, eloquent things to say tonight.  I'm feeling sad and crappy and am going to end this post so I can wallow in the fact that I am the face of loss and I don't want to be.

You can read our story here.

6 comments:

Liz said...

I am sorry I haven't ever really talked to you about the loss of your beautiful baby girl Hadley. We have really only talked about my struggles. I feel so incredibly sad for you every time I read a post about Hadley. But I want you to know that you are an AMAZING Mom to all 5 of your kids. You don't know this but I have learned some important lessons from you that I otherwise might not have ever learned. Thank you.

Amy said...

I just found that website and have been thinking of writing too. I'm sorry you have to go through this too. We all went out Monday and stopped to get gas, and I was making faces at the girls in the backseat, and my heart just stopped at the empty third seat that should have been filled with Caitlin. It sucks.

Janet said...

Tears are streaming down my face after reading your entry on the website. I wish my arms were long enough to reach you to give you a big hug! Not a day goes by where I don't wonder the same things as you. Maybe my baby girl Hope is in heaven playing with your Hadley??

Nana said...

You are not the face of loss, you are the face of courage, I love you

Devon said...

i'm there with you...

i can't quite get myself to write my story yet. thank you for sharing yours and your beautiful little girl.

Pam said...

I hate that you have to be the face of loss. I just hate it for you. For anyone. I have just started following you but I agree, you are the face of courage and strength.

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