It's official

he's big.

He stopped nursing,

dropped the baby toys,

can throw a tantrum with the best of them

and insists on feeding himself.

No one told him that he is supposed to grow up very, very slowly for his Mommy.

Oh and it is also official that he still needs me
and not just for diaper changes
for protection.

See those two little items on the floor?

I noticed them in the pictures as they were uploading so headed to the kitchen to investigate.

That would be the pieces that secure the side of his highchair to the back,
unscrewed and removed by one of the usual suspects who sat innocently by his side eating dinner.

Suspect #1

Suspect #2

My bet would be on Suspect #1, the only child I know who has mastered removing screws without any tools.

Wordless Wednesday

Blue

Another week, another Shutterlove Tuesday at the Trendy Treehouse.  

This week's theme is "blue."

Don't you just want to climb through the screen and give this boy a bath?

To view the rest of this week's entries click here:

Denial

This weekend I made a trip to Buy Buy Baby (my favorite baby store that makes me want to have one more just so that I can keep shopping there) to see if I could find the next level of toddler-proofing devices.  At this point I am thinking we need wire fences, steel locks and crazy glue to keep everything in our house out of harms way but figured I would try one more store.

My reason for toddler-proofing

After searching the aisles for my favorite invention ever, the crib tent, I was still emtpy-handed so had to ask an associate.  She led me to the "Baby Safety" area and handed me the basic crib tent.

Oh let me stop here for a second to ask... where are all of the other moms like me in these stores?  Why am I always the only one with children climbing my head?  Why does every other shopper entering either have:

a) a little pregnant belly, a registry zapper and an army of women telling her what she needs
b) a huge pregnant belly and a doting husband
c) a sleeping baby with an adult to baby ratio of at least 2:1?

So back to my story (picture that I am surrounded by a, b and c category shoppers), the associate hands me the basic crib tent and I explain to her that I need the crib tent II...

Me: You know the one that completely surrounds the inside of the crib so that they cannot break out?  We have the basic model and my daughter can reach through and unzip it herself.
Associate:  Oh so your daughter needs another?
Me: No, this one is for my son.  My daughter unzips hers, my son climbs out of his crib and then into hers.  No one is sleeping.

("a" shopper looks a little pale and decides not register for safety items just now)

Associate: Wow, well hopefully this will work.
Me:  Thanks, oh, do you have door knob covers too?
Associate:  Sure, right here (showing me the basic covers)
Me:  Oh, do you have any others?  My son can break these off.  Once he is out of his crib he can take apart just about anything.

(shopper type "b" is now holding her tummy, trying to protect her unborn from my story)

Associate: Oh wow.  Have you tried these? (showing me door locks that prop the door open a bit)
Me:  That won't work, he can get his hand through and dislodge it from the other side.

("c" shopper is backing her husband, mother and baby out of the aisle as quickly as possible. If we breathe on her sweet baby, he is destined to be a robber in training as well)

Associate:  (At a complete loss as to how to help me)  I'm sorry Mam, I can't think of anything else.

So I bought my Crib Tent II and left and I must say I had a very easy time getting out of the store, it seemed that all of the shoppers just parted ways and let me get right through.

I do remember those days of denial, when you hear the stories and tell yourself that that will never be your child.

McKenna sporting her new cast (another blog post for another day)

Actually I think I still have those days, I am always telling myself how Sawyer will be my easy one or McKenna will probably skip that "I hate my mother phase" and of course all of my children will never move away but will buy houses right down the street from their mom and dad.

I guess denial is survival.

Either way, I love my little crib climbing, tantrum throwing, lock picking children to pieces and don't mind if the store parts as I walk through, it is much easier to get down the aisle with a cart, a double stroller and three kids who refuse to ride in either when no one is in your way.  

Change, change, change

We have had lots of changes in our house lately and I have had a few requests for updates on various subjects so here we go...

Toddler beds:

We put the beds up.

They played.

McKenna repeated "don't want to sleep in a big girl bed" 3 million times.

Mark put her crib back up.

Nights are great but short, naps are nonexistent.

Yesterday I entered their room to find Parker climbing McKenna's crib while she had him in a headlock and he had her by the hair, both screaming themselves hoarse.

The sibling love I had always envisioned.

Parker in his big boy bed (railing followed the next day)

McKenna:

McKenna has been doing pretty well.  She has slowly rebounded from her health scare in the spring but has never returned back to full strength.  She goes to physical therapy weekly and has braces on her feet and ankles which she tolerates really well (the fact that they are pink helps immensely).  We have also noticed that whenever she is sick or overtired that her muscle weakness along with some OCDish behavior come back which concerns her doctors but at this point we are taking a little vacation from all of the medical tests.  

The poor girl has been through enough.

High school:

Ashlyn is doing the best that Ashlyn can.  The adjustment to the expectations of high school have been tough to say the least.  She goes to school each day trying her hardest and that is all I can ask for.  

In the meantime I will continue to dream about winning the lotto so that I can create my own school that  works for her and the many other kids with autism who struggle through their education.

Ashlyn on her way to scoring a well-deserved goal at her soccer game.

P.90x:

I am on week 4.  I love the program and have seen results really quickly BUT my exercise schedule depends on the fact that my children actually sleep (see "Toddler beds").

I may be on week 4 for a while.

Lastly, I put the kids in a Mommy & Me (& Me & Me) class and they did great.  I was thrilled to find a class that would even include Sawyer.  They all surprised me with how well they did and the teacher kept commenting on how well behaved they are.  They were only good because they were in shock by all of the activity (we don't get out much) but I took the compliment and ran.  I'm looking forward to their weeks to come in the class, hoping Parker and McKenna will come out of their shells a little bit and that Sawyer will stop eating the glue sticks.

The best picture I could get of the three of them on their first day of "school"

Wordless Wednesday- My Little Helper

Cake

As I stated last week, I'm completely addicted to Shutterlove Tuesdays over at Trendy Treehouse.  This week's theme is "cake."  I loved combing through birthday pictures to find my favorite cake shot and, although I'm somewhat proud of my birthday cake-making and you can only see the crumbs in this picture, this one of Sawyer at his first birthday was my absolute favorite.

To see all of the entries click here...

Who needs toys?

When

you

have

paper bags

and siblings.

Fall fashion and pockets

My little fashionista is thrilled that it is fall.

I thought McKenna was going to hyperventilate from excitement as she saw me pulling out her warm clothes.

I had to hide them in the spring.  I stored them in bins (only solid colored bins, nothing she could see into) and packed them away in storage.

Without an expert hiding job she would have been wearing pink corduroys, sparkly sweaters, a zebra print skirt, striped tights and knee socks.  All at once.  All summer long.

In fact I'm not really sure fashionista fits her.

I'm thinking stubbornista may be more appropriate.  She basically just choses the most horrendous combination of clothing in her closet and then refuses to wear anything else.

Ms. McKenna sporting her first fall outfit, too small dress and leggings
(turquoise and yellow hoodie put on soon after).

So as I began carefully hiding her most coveted summer clothes and digging out her fall wear she could barely contain herself.  She immediately put on a hoodie and has been beside herself all week.  (Aside from her sense of style she also has a little hoarding issue and is just overjoyed with all she can manage to carry now that she has pockets in her hoodie and in her pants.)

Week one of fall wardrobe and this is what I have confiscated from her pockets thus far:

my sock
her sock
her underwear
Parker's underwear
an animal cracker
a mini princess doll
a few cheerios
a rock
part of a bagel (with peanut butter)
a beanie baby
and last but not least
      an egg beater

Today, I was behind on wash and she was out of hoodies so, not to sway from her hoarding habits, she put on TWO PAIRS OF UNDERWEAR so that she could store things IN BETWEEN THE TWO PAIRS.

Who does this??

I can only imagine when winter comes and a winter coat adds to her number of pockets.  Who needs a diaper bag, or a dresser, or kitchen cupboards for that matter when you have pockets.

The end of the world as I know it

I had an entirely different idea for a blog post today but that was completely hijacked by my children Parker.

It all started yesterday.

I was enjoying my 15 minutes of quiet between getting Ashlyn off to the bus and when Sawyer normally wakes up when I heard Sawyer babbling in his room.  He sounded happy so I thought I would leave him for a minute and then, for some reason, I thought he sounded louder than usual.  I headed up the stairs, realizing that I definitely could hear him too well and figured that his door must have blown open for some reason.

As I reached his room, door wide open, there was Parker on his tiptoes, feeding Sawyer animal crackers through his crib.

He looked at me blankly and said "Kenna's still sleeping, I shut the door."

Parker has never gotten out of his crib.  We always assumed he would but he never tried it.  McKenna tried it ages ago and we put up a crib tent which immediately stopped her and bought us the last year and a half of sleep.

Well now that Parker is out he just can't seem to stop himself.  He has even, in just two days of crib jumping, learned to pop off the protective door knob cover in his room and escape.

And not just in his room, in ANY room in the house.

So McKenna and Sawyer follow behind him, he opens whatever door they wish and they all stampede in, destroying everything in their path.

As we speak or as I blog, they are sitting for this-is-quiet-time-for-Mommy's-sanity enforced by never ending dvds of the Wigg.les.

Since they were about a year my kids have ALWAYS slept well.   Twelve hours at night and a 2-3 hour nap during the day.

It's over.

We are going to have to clear their room of anything that looks remotely fun to an almost 3 year-old who needs sleep, put up the toddler beds, gate the door somehow and pray that they can leave each other alone long enough to fall asleep.

I'm trying to sing the "You're Gonna Miss This" song in my head right now but it's just not happening.

I can't hear it over the lyrics to "It's the End of the World as We Know It."

Mark and the kids at the petting farm over the weekend.  (I know this has nothing to do with this post I just could not post without a pic)

Parker and cousin Gracie on a train ride. (still nothing to do with this post)

Oh and just an update from the middle of this post... quiet time has ended.  Apparently it is mom-is-on-the-computer-so-take-the-cushions-off-the-couch-and-jump-like-maniacs time.

My little blog

... has just gotten its first award, given by Pam over at Pieces of Me.  Pam has a beautiful blog and is an amazing photographer so I was honored that she chose me.

In order to accept this award I have to do two things and before I start, let me just warn everyone that I am less than one month from the triplets birthday and the anniversary of all that happened after their birth so from here until, oh mid October, I may be a bit on the deep/emotional side.

With that said I am supposed to answer this...

1. If you had a chance to go back and change one thing in your life, would you and what would it be?

I think that every loss mom gets a serious case of the "what ifs" after they lose a child.  My "what if" has always been:
What if I had questioned the doctor more on his decision to deliver the triplets so early?

The day of my delivery my least favorite physician was on.  I had made it through a million different labor scares during my long hospital stay but this time the OB on that day decided I needed to deliver.  I did not question him, it all happened so fast and at almost 29 weeks we knew our babies would be in the NICU but never thought they would not all survive.  I started getting excited instead of grilling him over why this time was different than all of the others.

I wish I would have questioned him more, demanded that we wait until my physicians could get there, done something so that I would have a little bit more piece of mind about my delivery or maybe have even stayed pregnant a few more days, a few more days that would have made my babies stronger and gave them all a better chance at life. 

But, of course, I will never know and for my own sanity have had to press pass the "what ifs" and try to make peace with my delivery, knowing that we followed what we thought was best at the time and what happened afterwards was far beyond our control.

The second stipulation of my award is much more fun and much less deep...



2.  Pass this award on to 6 other bloggers that you love.


So my awards go to...


Sarah at Loving My Life- I just recently starting following Sarah and, besides being extremely well done, her blog contains a mix of amazing photographs and great stories about her boys.

The Grasshoppa-   She is just hilarious, there is not much more to say.


Courtney at The Peeks- Courtney has overcome the devastating loss of three children and openly blogs about her journey through infertility.  I'm addicted to checking her blog until she has a baby in her arms.


Liz from The Weaver Triplets- Liz is an amazing mom to triplets, two who have autism.  She honestly blogs about the good days and the bad and has become an incredible friend.


Devon at Life As We Know It- I just recently started following Devon and I have blog envy.  I love the way her blog is organized and all of her beautiful pictures AND she has a great blog button (My next blog task is to figure out how to make one of those).


Amy from Life Interrupted- Amy also lost a triplet and has been such a support to me.  Her blog is open, honest and I'm either laughing or crying every time I read.

Thanks again for the award Pam, it is an honor to be selected by such a great blogger!

Big boy

I guess I was not prepared for raising a baby so close in age to his siblings.  

Soon after the shock of my pregnancy wore off I began dreaming about my little rainbow baby who would let me hold him and cuddle him for as long as I wanted, dissolving all of my this-is-going-by-too-fast worries about his big brother and sisters.  

Ashlyn was so far apart in age from the triplets and then Parker and McKenna have always done everything at the same time so I had no idea how much this little guy would want to be a big guy.

He does everything 15 month going on 3 year-old style.  

He uses a toddler sippy cup.

He will not drink milk (one taste of watered down juice and he was hooked).

He will not eat a meal without a spoon or fork, bowl or plate.

Baby food offends him.

He throws out his own diapers (major perk).

He wants to climb the tall slide, 

      jump off the furniture, 

      watch the Wiggles... 

      whatever it is the big kids are doing.

He gives us a heart attack daily hourly.

So why am I surprised every time I change his chubby little butt and find his latest denial of all things baby?

Big boy underpants

(diaper underneath, I'm not that crazy)

Last weekend

I cannot believe it has taken me so long to blog about last weekend.

There is an amazing group of moms who have found each other online over the last three years who have lost one, two or all of their triplets.

We all struggle with the same issues:

Am I still a triplet mom?
How do I raise my survivors and still mourn the child(ren) I have lost?
Where in the world do I "fit"? 
What do I call them now?
How do I pick myself up and keep going?
What will I tell my survivors as they grow?

...you get the picture.

Anyway, these ladies are from all over the country and somehow we have found each other and have been pulling each other through the last few years.  Sometimes we sadly welcome a new member to the group and somehow, as we each move through our stages of grief, parenting and remembering our babies, we keep each other afloat.

So back to last weekend...

One of the ladies mentioned in the spring that she had a wedding near me so I was thrilled at the chance I may get to meet her in person.  Next another planned a trip to visit friends in the same area and another decided to fly in too.  I marked these days as sacred on our calendar and could not wait to meet them.

Soooooo, I spent last Sunday and Monday in the company of three amazing moms of surviving triplets and three sets of our surviving triplets.

Three moms who understand without any of us saying a word.

To say it was nice is an understatement but I'm try to control my over use of the word amazing.

I know the chance of being a triplet is rare (I don't feel like looking up the stats).
The chance of being a surviving triplets is that much more rare.
So the chances of all of these surviving triplets in one state at one time, in my very scientific calculation, must be at least one in a bazillion.

I love that our kids got to meet and I love that we are going to do this again and hope that more members of our "group that no one wants to have to join" will be able to travel to wherever our paths cross next.

Heather, with her survivors Zoi and Alex, Allison (her survivors Jack and Evan were home with Dad), Me with Parker, McKenna and Sawyer and Dana with her survivors Olivia and Jacob

(not pictured- Ari, Alex, Hadley and Benjamin, all smiling down on their Mommies and siblings)

If you are reading this and are the mom to triplets who may not all be here any longer contact me if you would like to be part of our online group.  I know I speak for everyone in saying we are sad that you need us but here for you if you do.

Wordless Wednesday

Bye bye Sissy

This sucks

A while back I came across an amazing website that is trying to break down the stigma attached to miscarriage, neonatal and infant loss.  The loss of a pregnancy or the loss of a baby seem to be topics that people are afraid to discuss.  The women behind this site are helping to put a face to loss and giving moms, many of whom have never talked about their losses to anyone, the chance to share their story.

I have to admit, I was a little bit caught of guard when I saw my face on their site tonight.  Actually I cracked, cried for a good ten minutes, then got myself together so I could blog about the whole thing.

I probably should not be blogging.  Like when they take someone's keys away when they have had too much to drink.  Someone should take my keyboard but no one has so I'm just going to type away and blow off some steam.

I don't want to be the face of loss.  I want to be the face of a crazy mom who is even busier than I already am because I am trying to manage triplets, a teenager and a one year old.  I want 3 girls and 2 boys WHO ARE ALL ALIVE.

I don't have any touching, eloquent things to say tonight.  I'm feeling sad and crappy and am going to end this post so I can wallow in the fact that I am the face of loss and I don't want to be.

You can read our story here.

No pictures please

I'm now addicted to the Trendy Treehouse and the theme for this weeks Shutterlove Tuesday is "Bloopers."

I immediately thought of this picture and found it in my 3 million pictures we took during the kids' first year so that I could edit it a bit.

The kids had just received these cute hats and we were dying to get some pictures of them, even if they were asleep on my lap.

Apparently Parker was not happy about the interruption.

Visit the Trendy Treehouse to see all of the entries by clicking here...

My Fighter

The other day Ashlyn posted one of those post-if-you-agree-with-this status updates on face.book and when I saw it I held my breath for a minute or two.  

This is what it said...

Children with special needs don't have an illness, so there is no cure and it's not contagious. They want what we all want - to be accepted.

On one hand I was exploding with pride because she posted this, because she is her own best advocate and she is proud of who she is.

On the other hand I was scared out of my mind that she had just put herself out there, that she was "friends" with all kinds of middle-almost high school aged kids, and kids aren't always nice.

So I checked her status every two seconds a little while later for comments and the goosebumps began.

A few family members commented about how amazing she is, which of course, I already know :) but then a girl from school replied with: 

I just love you Ashlyn :)

And I knew we had made it.

My biggest fear, as Ashlyn has matured and the need to fit in and be like her peers began to creep in, was that Ashlyn would not feel like she belongs and would not find a place for herself in the teenage world.  

But she has.  She is who she is and the community we live in loves her for it.  

So when I sent her off for her first day of high school today I knew she would be just fine.  She has the support of our amazing family but more important to her right now, she has an army of teenagers who have grown with her over the past few years and will remind her to bring a pencil or open her locker or point her in the right direction even if they may have done it a zillion times before.  

There is no doubt that Ashlyn will be busting her butt to keep up in high school but I know she will surpass everyone's expectations as she always does.  I have watched her overcome every challenge in front of her with leaps and bounds and I look forward to watching her tackle the next four years with the same amazing spirit she has used to triumph over the last 15.

Ashlyn has what her face.book status said.

She has been accepted.  

She does not need a cure.
The only thing that is contagious is her attitude.

She has fought autism with a smile for many years and has always, always won.

As her mom, I will forever wish that she did not have this battle but am eternally proud of the fighter she has become.

Ashlyn and a few members of her "army"

Wordless Wednesday