Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Send me a rainbow

Next week it will be three years since we lost Hadley.

I still struggle to "see" her somewhere.

She was so tiny and her life was so short that I do not have a laundry list of things to stumble upon through my days that will remind me of her.
I can only guess what would make her smile, what color she would insist on wearing or what food she would want to eat at every meal.
There isn't a song she loved that I can listen to or a favorite toy that I can trip over when her siblings leave it out.
So as I finish planning what should be her third birthday party I have found myself sifting through the small box of things that were lucky enough to be against her skin.
And know I am in need of a rainbow.

Rainbows have always been Hadley to me.

She has sent them to me on the darkest of days.

When I see one I think of Hadley and all of the other babies of the many loss mommies I have met, happy together, sending a little color to remind us that they are somewhere beautiful and we are okay.

So as Hadley's day draws near I need one but there is no rain in sight.  I love finding them on my own and will take one any way I can get it (in the sky, a reflection off of a glass, in a bubble, I even bought an umbrella with rainbow stripes).

So I have a little request... if you have a rainbow or see one soon, could you send a picture to me?  I'm not sure what I am going to do with them yet but know that I want as many as I can get.

You can email me your pictures to jessb_27@hotmail.com

Thank you


m&msmommy said...

I'm going to be on the look out for rainbows for you! :) I know how much those "signs" mean to my sister when she wants to be reminded of her angel triplets, so I imagine your desire is very much the same!

Thank you for your comment. It's crazy to be SO open to a world of strangers, but honestly, I think it's easier to do because no one in my "real life" knows about my blog. If my honesty can help ONE person, then I've done my job! :)

Have a great rest of the day! :)

Anonymous said...

I have been thinking of you because I know the kids' birthday is right around the corner. I will try to notice any rainbows for you. When we were skyping my in-laws the other day they said they saw a rainbow in our house coming off the reflection of the sliding glass door. Maybe it was Caitlin saying "don't forget me!" It is nicer to think that, rather than it's all part of physics.

Heather said...

We think of you all more often then you know. We will too also be on the lookout for the wonderful sign of a rainbow for you too. We too will take photos when we see them and send them to you. Love from the Ohio Nordman's

Tera said...


I think of you all often and know this is a very difficult time for you. Last week, about a minute after we said our vows, three rainbows appeared over Lake Michigan. I wish you could have been there. I will find some pictures. I hope you find your rainbow.


Jill said...

I have a picture of one that I saw a few months ago. I will send it to you and will be sure to capture any other rainbows that I see! xx

Liz said...

When we went to Traverse City last month it rained and was sunny on and off the entire time we were there. I was bummed that it rained but when the sun would come out along with it were the most beautiful rainbows I have ever seen right above Grand Traverse Bay. Every time I ran to get my camera to capture a picture by the time I got back it was gone. I wish I could have caught one photo for you. Now I really want it to rain this weekend so I can go rainbow hunting. :)

Amanda Broadfoot said...

Hi Jessica,

I'm so glad you connected with us on SITS (the Spring Chickens) and I was able to find your blog.

God bless you. I can't imagine what you're going through, and I'll be thinking of you and your family.

I'm the mom of a four-year-old autistic son and a neurotypical 18-month-old daughter.

You must have figured out a LOT over the years, dealing with raising multiples and navigating special needs. Your input will be invaluable to our SITS group.

Take care, and I look forward to getting to know you, your family and your blog even better over the coming weeks :-)

All the best,


Ginny Marie said...

I have a picture of a rainbow I took last summer...look for it in your email!

I'm glad you joined the spring chicken tribe, and I'm looking forward to reading your blog. I'm so sorry for the loss of your little Hadley.


Jen Currier said...

Your blog is beautiful and I am sitting here with tears streaming down my face. Hope it's not creepy that I'm sending you ((Hugs)) through cyberspace! I found you through our Spring Chicks tribe and am looking forward to getting to know you!

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