Little of Everything

We had lots going on over the weekend and I'm way behind on posts so here it goes...

...we had a great visit with Uncle Rob, Aunt Sandy and our biggest blog fan, Cousin Caitlin.

Aunt Sandy, Parker showing off his signing to Uncle Rob and Caitlin with Sawyer

McKenna was there too but she is Ms. Shy so played in the hall with Parker, pretending we didn't have company.

...Ashlyn and I got to bring McKenna along to her first Christmas Candy-making with the girls at Aunt Marianne's house.

my girls

McKenna and her assistant

All of the candy-makers and our table of sugar

...and lastly, the tree is up. We debated on putting it up this year because the kids are crazy

into everything but we gave it a shot. We are going to try it without a baby gate since our kids have so much self control so the pictures below may be the only ones that show our tree with lights and ornaments.

Eyeing the tree..

and in for the kill.

Mmmm, the smell of an artificial tree.

My sweet little guy who can't get into a thing :)

My Rainbow Baby

I have been looking for the explanation of the term "rainbow baby" since Sawyer's birth. I was tossing ideas around in my head for his six month old post and stopped by a loss mom's blog and there it was...

In some circles, babies born to families after the loss of a child are referred to as "Rainbow Babies." The idea is that the baby is like a rainbow after a storm. "Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope.Today my little rainbow baby is 6 months old. He has filled our lives with all kinds of beautiful colors, amazing light and lots and lots of hope.Love you little man!

No time to blog

It is 7 am and I am blogging now and blogging fast because this is the only time I have. No one is napping at the same time anymore and every minute of the kids' waking hours is spent taking our house apart. I honestly can not believe how much trouble my kids can get into. Nothing is safe. Is it because there is more than one 2 year-old mind working at all times? We have child-proofed everything and are now contemplating living in an empty house until this phase passes.
They pry off the door knob protectors.
Pull the plug covers out of the wall.
They can open the freezer and the fridge.
They can reach the lights, the countertops and playing in the bathroom is more fun than any water activity I could ever create.
Yesterday they discovered the switch that turns on the fireplace, very exciting.
AND we still haven't even put up the tree yet, I can only imagine what fun that will bring to our days.
BUT I did get to watch them witness the first snowfall yesterday and we all cheered Sawyer on while he tried to roll over and in between diaper changes and food flinging I get all the kisses, "wuv you" mommies and hugs I can handle.
Some day I will have all kinds of time to use the thousands of hours of comp time I have banked but for now there is no other job that provides such great benefits.
Sawyer is up, the mommy marathon begins...

Featured Blog

I'm very excited that our blog is featured today on Multiples and More. Click below to visit their amazing site and check out our interview.

A Picture Story

I dressed the boys in matching outfits over the weekend and since I could barely stand how cute they were I decided to try for a few pictures. So we put the boys in the picture chair but Parker started smiling goofy...McKenna decided she wanted in but wasn't wearing pants...I talked her in to wearing pants but by then Sawyer was finished.I took one or two smiling pics and then things got ugly...But somehow, between goofy smiles, wardrobe changes, a fussy baby and toddler Wrestlemania we caught...

LOVE.

Position Filled

Dinner time is crazy time in our house. Since Sawyer's arrival I have slowly learned how to balance our days in order to keep everyone as happy as I can keep a teenager, two toddlers and a newborn but it all falls apart at 5 pm. The kids are hungry, the baby wants to be held and I need to clone myself in order to get dinner on the table.

Enter big sister Ashlyn.

While trying to make dinner the other night with two kids wrapped around my legs and the baby strapped to my chest Ashlyn saved the day with a tub of play-doy and cookie cutters. The kids followed her to the table and sat perfectly while she played with them. I hired her as my Dinnertime Activity Director on the spot and made dinner in peace and quiet.

Not only was it nice to have the kids busy playing with someone other than me, it was a proud Mommy-moment too because this kind of thing is not easy for Ashlyn. Coming up with a spontaneous activity and pushing through with a lot of social interaction is hard work for her but as Ashlyn always does, she amazed me again with how much she has grown and what she can overcome when she puts her mind to it.
The pictures are not the greatest but the best I could do while wearing Sawyer and flipping turkey burgers.

Honesty

I read an amazing blog the other day and the author said that she "blogs like no one is reading." I'm not good at this but am going to start trying. Here is my first attempt at spilling it...

Tonight at dinner I looked at my husband and said, very eloquently,
"Today sucks."
He looked at me like I was a loon (I've seen this look many times) because it had been a good day and it had. But good days can be the worst because on a good day, you take your kids to the park and watch them climb up the stairs for the slide and see the perfect space where their sister should be climbing too.
On a good day you find the cutest dress in a 2T and see that it comes in another color and hate that you don't have a reason to buy both.
And on a good day you say your daughters name once, hear how beautiful it sounds and wish you needed to say it a million times more each day... so many times that it doesn't give you a lump in your throat and you forget how much you love it.
The truth is I don't even know what a good daty is any more. I'm still waiting for it all not to hurt so much.
There is no where that I go that the ache of loss does not follow.

So that is my honesty for today, my post that no one is reading. I'm sure tomorrow I will get swept up in the craziness of our day and be able to blog about the silly things my kids have done and how I love them all to pieces but right now it is quiet enough for me to spend time with their sister and grieve a little.

Fight for Preemies

November 17 is a day dedicated to raising awareness of the crisis of premature birth. Over 20 million babies are born too soon each year. I had four of them.

Prematurity can be devastating to a family. Many children end up with life long health conditions and some children born prematurely do not get to live life at all. Over the past two years I have met many amazing families struggling with complicated pregnancies, special needs children and infant loss. I am reminded everyday how lucky I am that my surviving children are thriving but also live with the devastation of having lost a little girl born too soon.

So today, take a minute to visit the March of Dimes if you can. Learn more about premature birth and what you may be able to do to help and give your kids an extra kiss and hug if you are lucky enough to have them here with you each day.

Excitement

Well we are on our way... I have not been pushing potty training much yet because the kids have not really seemed ready. This morning McKenna got out of the shower, sat on her potty and went #2. This was a huge event, the excitement that two two-year-olds get out of not only checking out what is in the potty, but getting to dump and flush it into the big potty, was almost more than they could take.

They squealed, jumped, clapped, took turns sitting on the potty waiting for something else to happen.

I took pictures. We sang our potty song.

It was quite a morning.

They were still saying "bye, bye poopie" when I put them down for their nap, three hours after the amazing event took place.

It was the easiest morning I have had in ages, I didn't have to come up with a single activity to keep them out of trouble. Who knew potty training could be so exciting??

Someone please note this post and direct me back here when I try to train Parker, I have a feeling "easy" and "exciting" will not be the words I will use to describe the experience.

McKenna sitting for her "potty picture" not too long after the big event :)

Bye-bye Boat

This weekend we finally got the boat put away for the winter. I think we were one of the last houses on the lake to still have our boat in the water. I got the kids all bundled so they could watch Daddy get the boat ready. They were so excited just to be outside and kept yelling "boat ride, boat ride!" over the deck.

Parker got to ride with Daddy on the boat by default, he was the only one little enough to be able to fit his life jacket on OVER his winter coat... my tiny little man!Some day we will not be so behind on our household chores that the kids have to wear their winter coats to watch the boat be put away. I guess when that happens though we will know our kids are growing up and are hands aren't so full anymore.

Ahhh bathtime

Today I decided to have the kids help me give Sawyer a bath. Why I was envisioning a nice calm bath with the kids taking turns washing up their little brother while he cooed back at them I don't know.

I gave them each a wash cloth, covered the floor with towels and put Sawyer in his little tub. Someone lost their washcloth so we started bathtime off with a wrestling match for the remaining cloth. After the novelty of attaining the sole washcloth wore off McKenna decided to give Sawyer his towel to dry off with right away, by putting it in the water. As my vision of this perfect bathtime quickly faded and Sawyer's screams got louder I washed him quickly, trying to keep the water that was now flying everywhere out of his eyes, dried him with the closest dry anything I could find and looked up to see this...

Yes the water is still in there.

Nothing like a nice calm bath.

Fall...

We took the little ones for a fall photo shoot this weekend. We basically just chased them, kept the baby happy and took a zillion pictures, hoping we would get lucky with a few good ones. For some reason two year olds are not into sitting still and posing! Here are some of my favorites...

Smarty pants

Ms. McKenna is turning into quite a smarty pants. Parker tries to repeat after us when we are telling him things but she usually stays quiet. Well apparently she has been taking it all in so she can spill it on her own terms... such a girl! Lately while she is playing I will hear her counting, saying her ABCs or singing a song without any prompting, it is so sweet. Being the little sponge that she is she has also belted out some choice phrases when we least expect it as well :) I finally got some of her singing on video today. Sorry for the shaky camera work, they like to see themselves while I am taping so they were turning the screen around over and over while I held the camera. I'm amazed it survived the video!

No words...

Happy 2nd Birthday!!!

McKenna

2lb. 10oz. at birth

McKenna is definitely our little princess. She is a girly girl, loves to wear cute clothes and have everyone tell her how pretty she looks. She already has quite the attitude which Daddy says she gets from her mom :). McKenna loves playing with babies and stuffed animals, reading books and getting into trouble with her brother. She can say anything now and talks in sentences, we are amazed at the things that come out of her mouth. She loves singing and can almost sing the whole alphabet and can count to 10 with help. She is definitely a mommy's girl but has Daddy wrapped around her finger.
Such an amazing little person, we are so lucky to have you. Happy Birthday little girl!

Parker

1lb. 14oz. at birth

Our handsome little man, Parker is something else. He is full of energy and hasn't stopped moving since the day he was born. He has a personality that keeps everyone smiling and can find trouble faster than any two year old I have ever seen. He is a little cuddler and loves his brother and sisters. Parker is turning into a great little talker too. He repeats everything we say and just started putting words together... I can only imagine the things that are going to come out of this one's mouth! He LOVES airplanes and anything that goes. Parker is Daddy's little shadow and sticks to him like glue but loves a cuddle with Mom too. He has beaten every odd since birth and we are in awe of the little person he is turning into.

You are an amazing little man, Happy Birthday Parker, we love you!

Hadley

2lb. 5oz. at birth

I wish I had all kinds of first to write about here and could tell everyone about your personality and the toddler that you have turned into. I know you are watching over all of us and we will carry you with us forever. We love and miss you every minute. Happy Birthday baby girl.

Big kid chairs

We got our new booster chairs and the food is still flying, of course, but we are much less dangerous this way! Thanks for all of the chair suggestions, we ended up with the Summer Infant Secure Comfort Foam Booster. They seem to be more comfortable than the plastic boosters, are easy to clean and best of all the kids haven't figured out how to get themselves unbuckled yet!

Not the highchairs!

The video in my last post shows my two little children happily sitting in their highchairs. They may have been burping and laughing at themselves but at least they were sitting. Now they have figured out how to unbuckle themselves and stand up while eating which leads to:

1. A toddler who is very happy with him or herself
2. Another toddler attempting to do the same thing
3. The food on that toddler's plate flying through the air
4. The food on the person's tray next to said toddler flying through the air.
5. No one eating anything

Here is a picture of the one who started it all. I would have gotten a picture of both of them doing it but by then it was too dangerous for me to stand back and watch while taking pictures :) And yes, those are Doritos on their trays, McKenna loves them and I was trying anything to get her to sit back down before the whole situation got ugly (this tactic obviously did not work).

So now I am debating what to do next, small picnic table or booster chairs? Anyone have a booster chair they like best or other ideas for getting them to actually sit and eat at the same time???

Giggles

So the new form of entertainment in our house is fake burping. Apparently when your sister pretends to burp while you are eating it is just hilarious. So if my kids grow up with terrible table manners it is because I never stopped the fake burping because the giggles that it brought were just too cute...

She scores!

I've never seen a victory dance quite like the one I saw last night. 

Ashlyn scored her first soccer goal and was beyond excited.  As soon as the ball went in she ran, jumping up and down, arms circling, all the way down the field.  I think she practically knocked some of her teammates over as they gave her high fives. 

My dad and I watched her from the sidelines and when I looked back at him he was as choked up as I was.  This was one of the moments on that mental list you keep as the parent of a special needs child... the list of things that you aren't sure you will ever see. 

I remember spending weeks in physical therapy helping her learn to climb a set of stairs and celebrating when she was finally able to get both feet off the floor when she jumped and now I am watching her score goals in a soccer game. 

She has definitely shown us all that the sky is the limit.

Last night one of the moms turned to me and said, "Wow, she deserved that, she spent weeks trying for the goal" and I just smiled because I know it hasn't been weeks, she's been trying for years.

Labor day a little late

I'm embarrassed to say I'm just now getting around to posting about Labor Day. We had a great afternoon with Aunt Casey and the girls and Nana and Papa. Thanks to Nana, who watched Sawyer and his cousin Nina, I was able to go on my second (and last) boat ride of the season.

Grabbing a kiss or two before we go

The kids sitting still for a brief moment

Enjoying our boat ride thanks to Daddy

Nina and Sawyer playing quietly, just like they did when their mommies were gone, right Nana (whose ears are still ringing)??

My handsome man

No caption necessary :)

Grief

I don't post a lot about losing Hadley and sometimes I wonder if because I don't people think that I am "okay" now. It has been almost two years and the grief is still overwhelming. I have yet to find peace with all that happened and as each day passes and my survivors continue to grow into amazing little people I am reminded of all that we have lost by not getting to experience each day with our daughter. But I know too that I have been given the gift of truly understanding how precious life is and will never take a moment with my children for granted.

Another bereaved mom shared this with me and I think it expresses how I feel perfectly...

To those of you who look away when I grow teary eyed in the baby department, look a little deeper. Surely you have some compassion in your heart.

To those of you who change the subject when I speak my child's name, change your way of thinking. It may just change your whole life.

To those of you who roll your eyes and say we barely had them at all, how could we miss them so much, in our hearts we have seen them live a thousand times. We have seen their first steps, their first day of school, their weddings, and their children. We have had them forever in our minds.

To those who say we can have another, even if we had twenty more they would never be the child we lost, and we will always miss them.

To those who say get on with my life, I have. It is a different life, the life of a grieving mother. One with a tremendous amount to be thankful for, but also one with a lot to mourn the loss of.

Do not judge a bereaved mother. She comes in many forms.

She is breathing, but she is dying.

She may look young, but inside she has become ancient.

She smiles, but her heart throbs.

She walks, she talks, she cooks, she cleans, she works, she IS, but she is NOT, all at once.

She is here, but part of her is elsewhere for eternity.

We love crib tents!

Right around the time that Sawyer was born McKenna decided she wasn't interested in sleeping in her crib anymore. So she didn't start climbing out, she started flinging herself out. She was falling and hurting herself everytime so ultimately, everytime we heard her cry to get out we had to get her so that she wouldn't fall and hurt herself again. I'm sure you know where this is going... Ms. McKenna learned that we would come get her if she cried, started doing it every night, we would get her and try everything possible to get her back to sleep which usually resulted in Mark driving her around in the car until she couldn't stay awake any longer, fun, fun, fun! I had heard about crib tents from a few other moms so we ordered one as our last hope for getting back to some kind of normal bedtime routine and it worked. I was afraid McKenna would be scared of it or not want to get into bed but as you can see below it has become the latest and greatest toy in our house. Who knew being confined to your crib could be so much fun??