Today is the only day of the month that I do not have a current picture to post.
I wish I did. I wish this day was just like any other.
Today is the 11th, Hadley's day.
On this day, 28 months ago, I said good bye to my baby girl. And on this day every month I am painfully aware of the fact that I am that much further away from the last time I held her.
My arms ache to do it again.
I wish I could share a cute story about what she did today or could laugh about something she said or the trouble she got into with her brother and sister but all I can do is share a memory from the few days I was lucky enough to have her...
The triplets were born at 28 weeks so there was a small army in the delivery room awaiting their arrival. We were as prepared as we could be for the fact that our babies may be critical and we would only see them briefly before they were whisked away to the NICU.
Mark and I were so relieved as they delivered one baby after another and the room was filled with the tiny cries of our very tiny babies. The NICU teams assessed the babies and brought them passed me one by one on their way to intensive care. Hadley was baby C so she was the last. As the nurse brought Hadley by I put out my hand and her tiny fingers grabbed onto mine. She was the only one I was able to touch.
In the blur of my c-section, this is my clearest moment.
I ache for my little girl and miss her every minute. Since losing Hadley I have felt a physical hole in my chest, right were I carried her, all curled up with her brother and sister. I still feel that hole, some days much more than others, and have come to terms with the fact that it must be some right of passage for being a loss mom.
Living life with a piece of you missing.
And so another 11th has come and is almost gone. I struggle with feeling like we are somehow leaving Hadley behind but know, deep down, that we are not. She is here every day whether it be through the memory of her touch or that little empty space in my chest, we will always have her.
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Did I mention how proud I am of her?
Parker was trying to climb into Sawyer's highchair when I took this. Regardless of the fact that he was about to be sat on, Sawyer thought this whole scene was hilarious. 
and I'm ready to do it all again tomorrow :)
This is what happens if you tell my children not to touch the something. 
It was a complete mess but did remind me of how totally different my children are. Parker spent the whole time begging me to give him the whole bottle of finger paint so that he could squeeze the entire contents onto his paper while McKenna chanted "wash the hands, wash the hands" after I had to put her hands into the paint to even get her to do anything. Ashlyn was home for the day too and did a great job of helping me try to keep some paint at least on the table. 
Doesn't she look cute? She did a great job getting it cut too. The hair dryer is still a no-go but as she was sitting happily in the chair I was thinking back to the days when I practically had to sit on her to get her a trim. We used to go to a very patient stylist who would let her get up, run a lap around the salon and then sit back down when she was ready.
McKenna got a bag full of pretty shoes today. These are her favorite, pink and sparkly.
I managed to get them all bathed together today. This involved me ultimately getting in half dressed to protect Sawyer from the Crazies but it was great to get everyone clean in one shot. 
After spending the majority of his days staring at kneecaps or bellybuttons (depending on who is nearby) Sawyer had a great time tonight eye to eye with his cousin Nina. They mouthed just about every toy in the playroom while their big brother and sisters played. The cash register you see in the background was a big score. Nina, the more mobile of the two, found it unattended and slid it in their direction. Sawyer, happy with her find, shared in a good ten minutes of button pushing and drool covering before the big kids came by and took it back.
This is his muscle pose. Judging by his bulky physique he may need those weights as more than just a chair one of these days :). 
Update on the no dairy, wheat or eggs--- 
Nana came over and the kids had a blast playing with her as always. Parker was helping her bounce Sawyer in this picture, I LOVE the way Sawyer is smiling at Parker, they just love each other to pieces.
Today we finally got around to using the decorations I bought for Christmas cookies. I opted to pass on the dough rolling and cookie cutting and just get right to the frosting and sprinkles so we did pre-made dough which Parker loved, I think for every one he put on the tray he put two in his mouth. They had a blast and Ashlyn did a great job doling out the frosting and making sure we had a few decent cookies left when all was said and done.
I had to add this picture too because it shows their personalities completely. McKenna was carefully decorating her cookies and Parker pulled up a chair, grabbed her spoonful of frosting and stuck it in his mouth. Her look says it all.
My little Sawyer enjoying quiet play time while the Crazies are napping. Not sure if you can see it but he got his first war wound from Ms. McKenna. She decided to throw him her sippy cup. I'm just pretending that she was hoping he would catch it and not that she was being a complete stinker because I was paying attention to the baby and not her.
